# New Data Shows a Very Human Problem: People Get Burned Every Day, Then Stay Quiet About It

- Link: https://tolenfoundation.org/people-get-burned/
- Published: 2022-02-22T09:16:34+00:00
- Author: tolenadmin

**Written by Rebecca A. Carter. She is a principal at **[**Friedman, Framme & Thrush, P.A**](https://fftlaw.com/our-attorneys/rebecca-carter/)**.,
a LegalShield provider law firm.**

There’s a point in these conversations that comes up again and again.

Someone tells me what happened. A mover changed the price after the truck was loaded.
A contractor took the deposit and went quiet. A repair company charged for work 
that didn’t fix the problem. A fee showed up that nobody mentioned until it was 
too late to do much about it.

Then they say something like this:

“I know this probably sounds small.”

Or “I should’ve known better.”

Or “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

**That part tells me almost everything.**

![](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/69310b5c164143883917ee09/69a66158070d203e898133d1_691cc6fe93b6fc20f7af5cd5_Senior%
2520man%2520using%2520smartphone%2520and%2520paying%2520bills%2520in%2520kitchen.
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Because now we’re not just talking about the money. We’re talking about the feeling
that comes after. The pit in your stomach. The replay in your head. The part where
you start wondering whether you missed something obvious, trusted the wrong person,
or just wanted to believe someone was being straight with you.

That feeling is real. And it’s a lot more common than people think.

That’s what the new [LegalShield Shame Gap study](https://www.legalshield.com/newsroom/the-shame-gap-new-data-shows-3-in-4-americans-stay-silent-after-getting-burned-in-everyday-consumer-situations)
gets at so well. It looks at what happens after the sting: the hidden fee, the bad
service, the broken promise, the purchase that wasn’t what it seemed. More specifically,
it looks at the parts people don’t talk about: the embarrassment, the self-blame,
and the choice to stay quiet rather than do something about it.

**The numbers are hard to ignore.**

Of the more than 2,200 Americans surveyed, 75% said they’ve felt taken advantage
of or swindled in the marketplace. More than half said the embarrassment that followed
kept them from doing much about it. Another 55% said they kept it to themselves 
or told only a few close people. And 53% said being fooled made them feel stupid.

That’s not a business story. That’s a people story. A lot of people get burned. 
Then they get quiet. Not because it didn’t matter. Usually because they feel embarrassed,
frustrated, tired, or some combination of all three. Talking about it feels worse
than swallowing it.

And most people can see themselves in that. You hire somebody because they sounded
legit. You buy the tickets because the site looked real. You pay the fee because
you’re in the middle of moving, fixing the car, replacing the AC, trying to get 
through your week, and you don’t have the emotional energy to launch a full investigation
over every line item in your life.

**That doesn’t make you foolish. It makes you normal.**

One of the most useful things about this data is that it gets away from the idea
that consumer harm always looks dramatic. Most of the time, it doesn’t. It looks
like regular life going sideways in a very boring, very expensive way. In the same
research, 67% said they’d run into hidden fees or price hikes that felt deceptive
or unfair. Another 59% said they’d paid a service provider that didn’t deliver it
on was promises. And 38% said they’d bought a product or ticket online that turned
out to be fake, misrepresented, or never arrived.

**That sounds like something your neighbor, your sister, or your coworker could’ve
been dealing with last month.**

These problems hit harder now because people are already stretched before anything
goes wrong. Money is tight. Credit cards are carrying more than they should. One
bad charge or blown repair doesn’t just annoy people. It can throw off the rest 
of the month. A surprise fee means shifting money from somewhere else. A bad repair
means you’re still stuck with the broken car, broken AC, or leaking roof after you
already paid to fix it. A moving problem means you’re sleeping on an air mattress,
wearing the same three shirts, and wondering how in the world this became your week.

![](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/69310b5c164143883917ee09/69a65f425949e00b8e038106_68f28cb8b3a9c66e5c782cc3_Frustrated%
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And decent people do what decent people usually do. They give one more chance. One
more day. One more callback. One more “maybe there’s a misunderstanding here.” That
instinct is understandable. It’s also how people end up stuck longer than they should.

This is where shame really starts earning its keep, and not in a good way.

Shame doesn’t just make people feel bad. It makes them second-guess themselves. 
It makes them wait. It makes them quiet. It makes them wonder whether they’re overreacting,
whether they’re being difficult, whether they’ll sound silly if they say any of 
this out loud.

The data shows that too. In the Shame Gap research, 66% said not knowing what to
say to a lawyer is a major hurdle to getting help.

That number makes perfect sense to me.

A lot of people think they have to show up with a perfect story. A perfect folder.
A perfect explanation. They think they need to know exactly what happened and exactly
what to call it before they’re allowed to ask a question.

**They don’t.**

You do not need to walk in sounding polished. You do not need a legal vocabulary.
You do not need to know whether something technically falls into one category or
another. Sometimes the most honest and useful place to start is much simpler than
that:

Here’s what happened. Here’s what I was told. Here’s what changed. Here’s what I
paid. Here’s what I got.

**Am I making too much of this?**

**That’s not a bad question. That’s a smart one.**

And this is the part I wish people understood sooner: this should be a judgment-
free zone. The honest truth is, we’ve heard it all. The good, the bad, the ugly,
and the version told through a cracked phone screen with 47 text messages, half 
a contract, and a receipt somebody can’t quite find but knows is in there somewhere.

![](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/69310b5c164143883917ee09/69a65f47f8ff05116bdfe4df_68deec6113277239ddf2c818_Woman%
2520complaining%2520on%2520phone%2520about%2520broken%2520picture%2520frame%2520after%
2520online%2520shopping.webp)

That’s real life. And real consumer problems are messy because real life is messy.
People forget dates. Text chains get weird. Emails go unanswered. Paperwork is vague.
The story comes out in pieces. That does not make the problem irrelevant. It makes
it real. A lot of people seem to think lawyers are sitting around waiting to be 
impressed. We’re not.

None of this is legal advice in blog form. And not every frustrating transaction
is a giant legal showdown. Sometimes it’s lousy service. Sometimes it’s a company
being sloppy or hard to deal with.

But people shouldn’t assume that just because a problem is common, it’s no big deal.
Common problems can still cost real money, wreck your week, strain your budget, 
and be worth asking about. Especially when they involve contractors, movers, repair
work, hidden charges, or service providers who changed the deal once you were already
in too deep.

A lot of people think the only options are “let it go” or “go to war.” Usually there’s
some space in between. Space to ask questions. Space to get clarity. Space to stop
blaming yourself long enough to figure out whether what happened is really just 
one of those things, or whether it deserves a second look.

So if something feels off, ask. If something doesn’t add up, say so. If somebody
changed the deal halfway through, don’t talk yourself out of paying attention just
because it happened in the middle of regular life.

A lot of the stuff people brush off as “that’s life” really does deserve a second
look.

And if this data tells us anything, it’s this: you’re not alone, you’re not crazy,
and you’re definitely not the first person this has happened to.